A six-week sabbatical. Six glorious golden weeks of sunshine, recuperation and reflection. For sure, it was also a deep plunge into a 40-degree heatwave with four pumped kids and a medley of summer camp and social plans. But still... what an opportunity, an indulgent chapter to be cherished, especially as we’re all living with a shadow of lockdown legacy from not that many moons ago.

Park ambition at the dock

It would have made sense to just dive into this summer with a single commitment of letting go, freeing myself from goal setting and progression. Perhaps creating space to tinker with ideas as they float into my awareness and to let them slide them if they come and go too fast.

Sink or swim

The alternative option was to arm up. To travel with 8 self-development books, sign myself to a new coaching course (which was very good) and then teeter a couple of challenging goals on top.

And of course, I chose the latter option. I decided to give myself as much as possible to do to improve and develop myself, whilst also enjoying the children and re-connecting with old friends, in addition to starting renovations on the home we’ve had to abandon for so long. As I read that back I see how I absurd that sounds. Most comedic! I already had a full cup in this 43-day hiatus. I chose however to ask for more and therefore set myself up for a very clear ‘pass’ or ‘fail’ on my success this summer.

And the challenges?

I set myself two very clear goals. The first being to achieve the splits by the end of summer and the second to complete 30 hours of Spanish learning via my apps and books.

These two goals seemed cool. I am a pro at this. I have wanted to do the splits for an age and it seemed to be a funky mid-forties yoga goal, one that I could separate off from real-life and focus on here. And the second one, well it counts. It matters a heap to me. When we moved from Spain I left my pigeon Spanish behind while all my friends kept plugging away at it and became proficient.

Both these goals are indeed on my radar and they do stack up as important to me. If I were working with a client I would believe them when they described how delighted they’d be by accomplishing these nourishing feats.

Explore the reality

However, I’d also ask them what’s in front of them and what’s just passed. I’d ask them about the context of these goals and how they fit into the bigger picture of their life. I’d help them explore where these goals come from and how feasible they are based on their real-life circumstance and desire.And do you know what else I’d do? I’d check in on JOY, find out where happiness, laughter and fun fits in.

Boom! ‘The past, the present, the circumstance and the desire’. Replay that. Use it when you are thinking about what’s going on and what you need to do in your world right now. My story is simple. I trundled over the finishing line to summer a very tired human. On reflection, I would say I was bone-deep tired and sad from loss. It was the kind of place you can’t bounce out of with a good night’s sleep. The desire to hit my golden goals was totally there, it’s just that my commitment, enthusiasm and even capability to meet them wasn’t even at the starting blocks.

My goals in action

Well I gave it a go. I set daily time aside to ‘do-the-do’. Sundown to stretch out my stiff hips and to sunrise to practice my Spanish verbs. I felt like I was making progress in treacle, I’d forgotten the intensity of the Spanish sun, the way that it drains your energy and slows you right down. Resisting and forcing, I found myself decidedly gnarly around 10 days in. Grumpily opening my text book and flicking past errors on my app. I rapidly fell out of love with my graceful long-limbed Californian yoga guru who’d promised me the splits in 14 days.

Here I was in my paradise, succumbing to the negative energy that perpetuated the knowledge that my goals were sinking, alongside my belief I could get anywhere close.

And remember the joy? Well that was mine for the taking. There was an abundance of joy outside of these challenges. In our lazy kayaking down the river Guadiaro, in wild body boarding on the Atlantic. It was in our laughter in pool play, our late-night star gazing, our morning hikes and our slow lazy lunches. It oozed out of every space, without effort we fell into a fuzzy, low key kind of happy that eases in from ‘coming home’.

And then the penny dropped

And then it happened. The little tingling niggle I’d been feeling in my thumb for about a year rocketed overnight, propelling from a 1 to a 10 on the painometer scale. A burning sensation soared up my arm, sending me to straight into the arms of my super handsome (young enough to be son) Spanish physiotherapist. Well, of course there must be an upside to every sad story.

After seemingly endless prodding, poking and scanning, he looked intently into my eyes. As I tried to not flush, he told me that maybe I need to relax, ‘chill a little, si?’ Oh. gosh, so simple. It turns out I probably have a damaged nerve, which has become inflamed either through strenuous exercise (I suggested this could be my splits training, but Alfonso Junior just gave me a wry smile), or through a simple case of being tense.

And as I left, with my blue-strapped arm, I mulled over ‘tense’.

And that as they say, was that.

Near the top of the Med Steps in my old home Gibraltar

Taking a load off

I lost track of the days after that. Rather than jostling the children to bed, I just let them meander and drop wherever and whenever, doing a basic head count as I turned myself in. We ate when we got hungry. We said yes to most invites going, without over investing in the logic. At every opportunity, we hit the sea, whatever time took our fancy and as each dawn blessed me and caressed me, I eased and released a little more, eventually gliding into a gentle ambling roll.

And most notably in the context of this piece, I dropped goal setting. I put my journal to one side, walked instead of ran and changed my whole demeanour towards ‘success’ for the remainder of summer.

Lessons from me to you

And from that my friend, I can comfortably pass on these five lessons. Lessons learnt from officially bumming out on my goals this summer:

Dialling down isn’t the same as dumbing down

It’s great to want to live big. To push ourselves to always to be better. But it’s also important to know that dialling it down can bring progress in its own very gentle and forgiving way too.

Closing the journal and releasing the rigidity of routine can be as healing as keeping it up.

The present moment matters, but the past and future do too

We’re all well versed in the importance of mindfulness. Of being in the here and now and observing our very moment of existence. However, let’s not underestimate the importance of where we have come from and how those events have shaped us. A detailed understanding of what’s going on can help us appreciate exactly what’s right and relevant in this day ahead.

Let’s not panic about progress if it’s recovery that our bodies and soul craves for.

Optimism has its flaws too

I have sometimes considered that my positive disposition may be a tad annoying to others. Never once though have I considered that it could hinder me in my pursuit of happiness. It’s ok to be buoyant and upbeat, but this time I think I assumed my optimism could do the work for me.

I’m humbly reminded from this that chunky goals take commitment, effort and far more than just a ‘can-do’ attitude.

It’s about the end vision end vision and the stepping stones to get there

I believe we get what we ask for and we tend to therefore achieve what we fully visualise and dream of. I genuinely want to be able to speak Spanish and do the splits, I do. But right now, that feels like another person’s crystal clear vision. One that I can take on when I’ve reached my authentic and important goals, the ones that my heart and soul genuinely yearned (and earned) this summer.

Failing is for winners.

Perhaps the best lesson for me in all of this is that failure can be a very good thing. If we use it to learn rather than beat ourselves up that is. When it’s used with positive reflection it can be more powerful than success.

My summer round-up

This summer’s been like life really. I started completely enthused, wide-eyed about all the things I could do an achieve and soak up. Then somewhere in the early-middle I got a bit flappy and frustrated and lost my direction on what I was aiming for. I wasn’t sure why I’d miss hit my grand plans and began to question what was meant to make me happy. And then it clicked, it flourished and flowed. But as soon as I’d settled into a sublime rhythm, the end drew in on me without my consent. Every swim became precious, the stars became brighter, my beautiful friends literally glowed. I developed a deeply profound need to savour every silence, enjoy every encounter and bottle and cherish every single fleeting moment.

And the goals? Well I have signed up for Spanish lessons, which I am dreading! I shall be leaning into a coaching session or two to get me in the right headspace for that. I have also re-engaged with yoga, slowly and quietly on my mat in my bedroom. I need to feel my way, take it one precious day at a time. But joyfully, with enthused commitment, I have reignited my relationship with running and am pacing my way back up to a half marathon. This time my goal is gloriously spot on. My flame is lit; my journey has begun and I am confident I’ll get a personal win in the bag before winter sets in.

I failed my goals and here’s what I learnt

Make Monday’s More Meaningful

Be the Master of Your Own Routine